Estrogen Moment (Guys, you should sit this one out!)

Menopause.

What the Hell? Is this a joke that God placed on all women just to get back at us for tempting Adam with that apple Oh So Long Ago? Talk about holding a grudge!

We all hear about the things "The Change" may make our bodies do. Things like hot flashes, mood swings, crying jags. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Those I can deal with. The thing that is really annoying me is being off the regular cycle of events. Aw, c'mon, you know what I mean.... Aunt Flo, The Monthly Gift (hahahaha!), my little visitor, on the rag, my period. Why does everyone beat around the bush instead of just calling it what it is-- menstruating? ( Pun was NOT intended, but so funny I have to leave it in!)

I was never a strict 21 or 28 day gal; but I knew it would start within a certain three day time frame, and always right when I woke. Now, I never know when or where my cycle will start. Nor do I know if it will be light on day one like it had for nearly 30 years, or if I will be running to the toilet every hour and a half. Is it going to last three days or seven, or my standard five?

I remember this is how it all began. Not sure when IT would happen each month. It sucked then, and it sucks now.

I don't think it should be this way. I think the female system should run regular, then stop, Just like that. One month Aunt Flo visits, then she is gone forever. Not this little game of "Surprise! I know it has only been 19 days, but I thought I would drop in a bit early! And you thought it was safe to wear your new undies!"
Or, just as bad-- the waiting game of "OK, body, it has been 30 days... I've been wearing liners for the last 10, dammit. Just show up so we can get this over with, already!"

I'm ready for it all to be done with. Sure, passing through menopause is that first stage to "getting old",a rite of passage that turns us middle aged women into old ladies.... but for Me? I am just looking forward to the freedom.
Freedom of not spending money on Kotex, or Tampex, or Stayfree.
Freedom to wear white or light colors whenever I feel like it.
Freedom to know my new pair of expensive panties are not going to be ruined.
Freedom to sleep soundly on my new 1000 count linen sheets (not that I have them, but should I ever have the desire to go buy some....!)
Freedom from the ups and downs of PMS.

Well, you get the idea.

Sooooo, if any of you men DID read this, and I seem a bit cranky these past few months, now you know why. I don't know how long this will be gong on, so I guess you all should just get used to for the time being! Don't even think of patting me on the back and telling me you understand.... there is no way in Hell that you do (unless you had a sex change).
Just smile and pretend nothing is wrong.
I'll know you are pretending, but I won't have to kill you and bury you out back in the field! *evil grin*